Friday, June 13, 2014

Born to Run Beer Mile 2014 The Intergalactic Beer Mile Championships of the Universe

Born to Run BEER MILE 2014 
A few years after the book my buddy Luis Escobar (he says he was in the book but I don't believe him) started the "Born to Run Ultramarathon" It started out as a small race that over the years has grown into  a full blown
What is the best way yo kick off such Buffoonery? 
With a "BEER MILE" of course 
Not just any beer mile!
This is the:
Intergalactic Beer Mile Championship of the Universe
Guess who is the race director for  such debauchery?
The same idiot whom is writing this blog post.
Last years race was pretty F'n spectacular
It was the first time shovel amulets were presented to all finishers
(quite the historic moment)
Since it was the first year not everyone new how it worked?
And I was able to take home the win.
About 30 or so people competed and and we raised a few hundred Dollars for
(it was a good day)
A tradition had been started
Across the country, Mas locos , Lunatics and other running Misfits have them proudly displayed in their homes.

I knew would this year would be bigger but just how big I had no clue?
I better get my butt down to the beach and start collecting some shovels
That should do!
What is a Beer Mile?
Drink a beer run 1/4 mile, drink a beer run a 1/4,  drink a beer run 1/4 mile, drink a beer run a 1/4
hug a friend, hug a stranger
cuss at the race director.
I believe the beer miles was established  in Mesopotamia?. Rumor has it that back in the day after a few libations some dude was doing the Pee-Pee dance as he ran to the river. His buddy thought he was trying to race.  He never made it to the river and ended up running exactly 5,280' before he pee'd himself.
Thus the beer mile was Born.
 To this day many beer milers still dress in skirts in homage to those ancient drunkards.

Sorry A.D.D. Kicking in!
I got that Mesopotamian song stuck in head

Anyway over thousands of years the beer mile has evolved and has become  too pretentious for it's own good. So Myself with the aid of Tecate Tyler and the backing of the
(International Beer Mile Association) 
Have set forth to rewrite the rules with the emphasis not on the beer but 
"Stupidity for a good cause!"

The most important rule of all!
To be an official beer mile entrant you must give to a secular charity a person in need or do some sort of good deed .  
It can be a simple as donating a $1 to the Red Cross or donating a Kidney to last years beer mile champion.  If you can not afford a donation at the time of the event a promise to donate or do good in the future shall suffice.
It's not about the Beer.
I do not encourage people who do not drink to consume alcohol!
Does your Beer have to be 5% abv?
Does your Beer have to have alcohol?
No, your beer can be root beer, whiskey, wine, NON-alcohol or even Milk

If you puke you can not win,
Unlike traditional rules where you run an extra lap puking automatically disqualify's  you from the podium unless you re drink every beer and re run every lap prior to the puke.
You may still finish and receive a finishers shovel Medallion 

Dog's only have to drink 2 beers.
"Madison how the hell are you gonna open can's?"
There was some discrepancy on when the Beer mile was to start. I had posted online that it would be around 5 P.M. but at 3:00  El Preisdente announced it would start in 20mins.
 Executive power my Arse!
(I'm staging coup)
I knew people were driving in from Arizona and It would of bummed me out if they didn't get to participate. So I did my best to stall.
 The natives were getting restless, they wanted a Beer mile and they wanted it NOW!
"Sir I'm ready for the Beer Mile."
(WTF let's do this Sh*T)
"I can drink more than I think I can."
"I will be drunker than I think I am."
"I will not Puke!"
I had chosen to Drink Asahi Super Dry knowing that I would most likely be the only one drinking it.  With so many people running in the race it easy to get your beers confused with someone else's.  If someone snakes your beer your shit of luck unless you take from someone else. I've seen this happen to before and it wasn't gonna happen to me.

So who is gonna win?
This years event had at least 5 countries represented, USA, Mexico, Canada, England and Scotland plus whatever planet Darkling thrush is from.
Tyler had been training hard for the event I figured it would either be him
Javalina Beer Mile champion Nick Coury.
As for me I was long shot and still not quite recovered from the Beer 1/2 marathon the day before
I was still a contender.
The calm before the storm
I like this pic because it looks like I'm in the lead (which I am not) I don't like this pic because some power walking chick is only 1/2 step behind me.
"C'est la vie"
Whiskey Jerry takes the early lead
  With a field this large I expected a river of puke raging down to the pacific but to my surprise people had taken the oath seriously.
The mariachi outfit was not the smartest outfit to wear if I wanted to win.  I was trying hard, trying hard not to get "Chicked"
I ended up in distant 4th place.

It was fun race,
About 70 people participated and at least 1/2 of them were wearing Luna Sandals! 
As predicted It came down to either Tyler or Nick?
Congrats to Nick Coury on the win!

Maybe my favorite part of the whole weekend was handing out the shovel amulets  to all the brave idiots that participated. As soon I was done I did my best to hand pick the award that suited each person.
Every shovel has it's own unique story.

Before I had even awarded all the shovels out a group photo was being arranged. At the last last second I slid in front
Over $1,000 was raised to help out a few Tarahumara runners participating in the following days
Ultra marathon.

It was time to go back to drinking some real beer

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