Friday, June 13, 2014

Born to Run Beer Mile 2014 The Intergalactic Beer Mile Championships of the Universe

Born to Run BEER MILE 2014 
A few years after the book my buddy Luis Escobar (he says he was in the book but I don't believe him) started the "Born to Run Ultramarathon" It started out as a small race that over the years has grown into  a full blown
What is the best way yo kick off such Buffoonery? 
With a "BEER MILE" of course 
Not just any beer mile!
This is the:
Intergalactic Beer Mile Championship of the Universe
Guess who is the race director for  such debauchery?
The same idiot whom is writing this blog post.
Last years race was pretty F'n spectacular
It was the first time shovel amulets were presented to all finishers
(quite the historic moment)
Since it was the first year not everyone new how it worked?
And I was able to take home the win.
About 30 or so people competed and and we raised a few hundred Dollars for
(it was a good day)
A tradition had been started
Across the country, Mas locos , Lunatics and other running Misfits have them proudly displayed in their homes.

I knew would this year would be bigger but just how big I had no clue?
I better get my butt down to the beach and start collecting some shovels
That should do!
What is a Beer Mile?
Drink a beer run 1/4 mile, drink a beer run a 1/4,  drink a beer run 1/4 mile, drink a beer run a 1/4
hug a friend, hug a stranger
cuss at the race director.
I believe the beer miles was established  in Mesopotamia?. Rumor has it that back in the day after a few libations some dude was doing the Pee-Pee dance as he ran to the river. His buddy thought he was trying to race.  He never made it to the river and ended up running exactly 5,280' before he pee'd himself.
Thus the beer mile was Born.
 To this day many beer milers still dress in skirts in homage to those ancient drunkards.

Sorry A.D.D. Kicking in!
I got that Mesopotamian song stuck in head

Anyway over thousands of years the beer mile has evolved and has become  too pretentious for it's own good. So Myself with the aid of Tecate Tyler and the backing of the
(International Beer Mile Association) 
Have set forth to rewrite the rules with the emphasis not on the beer but 
"Stupidity for a good cause!"

The most important rule of all!
To be an official beer mile entrant you must give to a secular charity a person in need or do some sort of good deed .  
It can be a simple as donating a $1 to the Red Cross or donating a Kidney to last years beer mile champion.  If you can not afford a donation at the time of the event a promise to donate or do good in the future shall suffice.
It's not about the Beer.
I do not encourage people who do not drink to consume alcohol!
Does your Beer have to be 5% abv?
Does your Beer have to have alcohol?
No, your beer can be root beer, whiskey, wine, NON-alcohol or even Milk

If you puke you can not win,
Unlike traditional rules where you run an extra lap puking automatically disqualify's  you from the podium unless you re drink every beer and re run every lap prior to the puke.
You may still finish and receive a finishers shovel Medallion 

Dog's only have to drink 2 beers.
"Madison how the hell are you gonna open can's?"
There was some discrepancy on when the Beer mile was to start. I had posted online that it would be around 5 P.M. but at 3:00  El Preisdente announced it would start in 20mins.
 Executive power my Arse!
(I'm staging coup)
I knew people were driving in from Arizona and It would of bummed me out if they didn't get to participate. So I did my best to stall.
 The natives were getting restless, they wanted a Beer mile and they wanted it NOW!
"Sir I'm ready for the Beer Mile."
(WTF let's do this Sh*T)
"I can drink more than I think I can."
"I will be drunker than I think I am."
"I will not Puke!"
I had chosen to Drink Asahi Super Dry knowing that I would most likely be the only one drinking it.  With so many people running in the race it easy to get your beers confused with someone else's.  If someone snakes your beer your shit of luck unless you take from someone else. I've seen this happen to before and it wasn't gonna happen to me.

So who is gonna win?
This years event had at least 5 countries represented, USA, Mexico, Canada, England and Scotland plus whatever planet Darkling thrush is from.
Tyler had been training hard for the event I figured it would either be him
Javalina Beer Mile champion Nick Coury.
As for me I was long shot and still not quite recovered from the Beer 1/2 marathon the day before
I was still a contender.
The calm before the storm
I like this pic because it looks like I'm in the lead (which I am not) I don't like this pic because some power walking chick is only 1/2 step behind me.
"C'est la vie"
Whiskey Jerry takes the early lead
  With a field this large I expected a river of puke raging down to the pacific but to my surprise people had taken the oath seriously.
The mariachi outfit was not the smartest outfit to wear if I wanted to win.  I was trying hard, trying hard not to get "Chicked"
I ended up in distant 4th place.

It was fun race,
About 70 people participated and at least 1/2 of them were wearing Luna Sandals! 
As predicted It came down to either Tyler or Nick?
Congrats to Nick Coury on the win!

Maybe my favorite part of the whole weekend was handing out the shovel amulets  to all the brave idiots that participated. As soon I was done I did my best to hand pick the award that suited each person.
Every shovel has it's own unique story.

Before I had even awarded all the shovels out a group photo was being arranged. At the last last second I slid in front
Over $1,000 was raised to help out a few Tarahumara runners participating in the following days
Ultra marathon.

It was time to go back to drinking some real beer

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Beer Half Marathon. Man VS BEER

For a few years now I have been intrigued by the beer mile.  I realize it's a stupid thing to do but it's fun and you make a few smiles, some great memories and raise a bit money for charity that's when stupid transforms into awesome.
I was to host the 2nd annual 2014 Born to Run Beer Mile (otherwise known as the Intergalactic Beer Mile Championship of the Universe) In an effort to raise money to help support a few Tarahumara runners.
But that race report will have to wait till later.

First things first.
A few weeks ago some dude finally broke the elusive 5 min barrier and my facebook account became flooded with messages egging me on to try and beat it.
That ain't gonna happen any time soon  after winning my first 6 beer Miles with a P.R. of 5:56 my drinking skills have gone downhill I have been more focused on fun than fast.  I still have aspirations of winning the Hermosa Ironman (run a mile paddle a mile and drink 6 pack) which I'm good at (best 6 pack time 2:32) but I think the best I can get my beer mile time down to is 5:30.
  I need to change it up a bit to rekindle my fire.

Back in the day I wasn't getting faster at the marathon. (always finishing around 2:55)  That's when I found out about the Ultra-marathon.  I changed my focus to distance rather than speed and a few years later when I came back to the Marathon I set a P.R. with a 2:37 without training.
What if I applied the same sort of logic to my beer mile?
At first I thought about the 100 beer 100 mile challenge but that is a whole other level of stupid.  Beer marathon? I'll save that for another day.
How about a BEER 1/2 MARATHON?
The best official non puking time I could find was over 5 hours according to I figured I could beat that in my sleep but I'd end up peeing the bed.  It's probably a good idea to be be at least some what conscious.

I opened up big mouth and said I would attempt it at the 2014 Born to Run Shenaniganza. I put up the challenge hoping someone would try and race me but there aren't that many people that stupid
I arrived at the Born to Run Ultra-Marathon the Thursday before the Saturday race just after noon.  Southern California was in the middle of a scorching heat wave and the weather had to be in the mid 90's.
In the days leading up to the event I had been pondering doing the beer half marathon at the beach beforehand but then I would have to worry about getting arrested and making a fool of myself around strangers rather than friends.

By attempting the Beer 1/2 marathon here on private land at the Chamberlain Ranch it would be perfectly legal..  I was the 2 time defending champion of the Born to Run 50km and also the beer mile. I knew damn well that the attempting buffoonery would most likely adversely affect my state of well being in the days to come but Vicarism ain't easy! 

1. I must drink one 12oz beer  5% abv before running each of the 13 mile laps. (Plus a bonus .1 at the end)
2. If I puke the run is over over and I am disqualified from the event.
3. Burps and spit up of up to 1 oz of foam shall be permitted.
4. Peeing, blood letting, snot rockets, lactation and ejaculation are all permissible (but I only planned on pee and snot))

Do I really want to do this?
It was freaking hot outside and I was parched,
Game on:
13 Beers and a bag of salt and Vinegar chips.
(No Water)
 Because it was cheap and 5% ABV.
As you may or may not know I run fro the "STONE BREWING COMPANY"  I wasn't sure if an spectacle like this would be good PR or not.  I had brought a couple cases of IPA and Arrogant Bastard' with me but I thought I would be better off sharing and enjoying those with friends later.

These are my fancy sandals (Yes even I can be fancy) they are super comfortable and what where pretty much everyday if I have to wear shoes.  I had never raced in them before but since I would be running at a casual pace they would be perfect.
Is that the look of a confident dude or what?
At least I was thirsty.
I wasn't  worried about being drunk.  I knew I would make a fool of myself but I do that when I'm sober as well.   I tend to be a happy drunk and I can't remember the last time I was surrounded by so many friends. Hopefully they will take good care of me?
What worried me was how the hell I was gonna hold that much beer in my belly?

My buddy  Tyler went out and marked off 1/2 mile using Garmin 310xt gps and then also marked off .05 of a mile for the final .1 out and back.  The run would use the same starting line as the Born to Run Ultramarathon  and would have somewhere between 50-100 of elevation gain on every mile

Game plan:
I knew it wasn't gonna be easy and I wasn't sure if I was gonna succeed or not.. If everything went perfect I figured I could sneak in under two hours but that was a big if. The first 6 or so beers would be easy and the rest would be anything but.
Everything started out great I was thirsty and really wanted a beer.  I figured there was no real rush to drink the beer at top speed (about 10 seconds) as long as I below 30 seconds I would be happy. 
Beer 1 took about 15 seconds.
I was off and running at about a 7:30 mile running downhill into a very warm head wind.  With the tailwind running uphill it felt like it was over 100 degrees outside which made me very thirsty and eager for my next beer.
A group of about 10 to 30 people had showed up to watch this idiot get drunk.  I felt loved and it gave me somthing to look forward to every mile.
I finished my 4th beer and forth mile right at the 30 minute mark exactly as I had hoped.  At the time my cognitive abilities were still functioning and I calculated that if I ran slightly faster than a 10 min mile (including beer) I could beat two hours.  Running felt easy but monotonous I looked forward to the onslaught of drunkenness to help pass the time 
As my belly grew so did my buzz.
Never did I come close to puking.  I thought that I would be taking a bunch pee stops along the way unfortunately the only leak I took came during mile two and was just a small trickle from somthing I drank before the run.
After 5 beers my  friends started to join in the fun.
I was pretty talkative and it fun trying to out run them
My buddy Chris joined in for a beer 10k
Running was no problem but by Beer 8 I had no more room in my belly.
 My drinking time slowed from 15-30 seconds to over a minute maybe longer.
Play time was over it was time to go to work. (The Drunkest guy in the office) So far I had been outrunning my Buzz but that would soon change.
Things were getting weird and my memory is a little fuzzy.
Next thing I know I'm wearing Luchadore costume. stumbling out of my beer coral trying to burp out some bubbles before running another mile
I was no longer concerned with beating 2 hours. I just wanted to finish. It took me a few 100 feet each mile to settle the beer but once I did was still capable of a 8 minute pace.
Beers 10,11 and 12, I have no recollection of. I remember coming in and finding just one more beer in my cooler.  I was so happy. The end was near and surprisingly beer 13 went don't almost as easy as beer 1.
I think I ran the last 1.1 miles pretty fast?
  I stopped my watch with an official time of 2:14
 (my watch isn't fancy enough to tell seconds)
As my fans surrounded me I remember being very happy followed by salty sweat flowing into my eyes
"AHH It Burns!"
After that Who knows what happened? It look's like I had a good time. 
Living the dream I tell you
I was even presented with this one of kind hand crafted belt buckle designed by my good buddy Tecate Tyler.
It is one my most prized possessions. Way cooler than any Buckles I have won for running 100 miles
Thank You Tyler!

Next thing I knew it was 1 a.m. I woke up in my tent and instead of being hung over my stomach felt surprisingly good but my legs were trashed.

Thank you to all my friends at B2R for the love and support and for getting me back to my tent before I died.

Do not try this at home unless you are a drunken professional.  I achieved my goal of finishing and it was not easy.  Upon further research I have found 2 reports of others (it might be the same report twice I use the word research very liberally) finishing a beer 1/2 marathon in 1:29 but I know one involved puking and I suspect the other one did as well.

Along with the aid of Tecate Tyler the
-International Beer Mile Association-
Is being established
Is the Beer marathon time to beat.
Good Luck